17th December 2011

time went by like the wind, superbly fast that i ever imagined. it's december all over again. december, the month of holidays, festive seasons and joy, but also the month of reminiscing for me. today, i looked back. looked back to the past, one of the happiest moment of my life, slowly counting the days waiting for it to be the seventeenth again just to get a long sweet message from him on facebook or on my phone. or even a call from him. its the little things he does for me, that makes my life so meaningful to look forward to :)

they're so sweet isn't it? :) totally made my day today as i read it, as a tear rolled down my cheek. those tears of joy, priceless. don't get me wrong, i still do count the days but at times i just miss the past so much wishing i could have kept it in a jar, so that it'll stay there forever. time passes by, people change, feelings change. many things happen, but to me, my feelings for him, never once changed. never once i could ever think or even picture myself living without him. that one guy, that i fell in love with since the 17th of April 2010, the first day he saw me at Guess, was the day everything changed. we went out on dates, movies, we made out, did crazy stuffs together, spent days, almost everyday by each others side, never once apart. those days i will never forget :) i love him, i love him despite of what others tell me, or even no matter how much he hurt me. i do love him from the bottom of my heart, and i miss the way we were :) 

<3 

lingering.

your chest, is where I love most. somewhere I could lie, and feel your presence so close to my skin, the intimacy and the closeness makes me feel loved like it was the first time. laying my head down on your chest while watching the lights flicker, and whispering quietly about how much we missed and love each other, a dream come true to me. one of the best moments of my life i can say, which I have always dreamed of. something i would never want to forget. something so heavenly and dearly to me. i might be over-exaggerating here but i'm just being honest. i wish i could keep it all in a jar and never open it so that, that moment lasts forever. 

If Only...

I've got a lot of things on my mind that I wish to say to you but I just can't anymore because you are no longer mine. the way you treat me now, its like as if i meant nothing to you to begin with, if only you knew how much you meant to me, i swear you would never want to let me go, because I doubt anyone will love you as much as I do. you were the first one, i trusted, the first one i ever believed in. I blame myself for everything that I have done, I never should have hurt you from the start, but I was immature right at that time. I was to be blamed. I never should have let my ego and pride take over me. I was a fool back then. I remember you saying that you were hurt badly after knowing that you were with someone, whom never did love you but was still trying by being with you even after knowing. I feel that way too. I feel like you were forcing yourself all these while to be with me. I knew there was something wrong in this relationship for the past few months, I tried changing but you didn't see the changes in me. Have you stopped and tried to ask yourself why I always argued with you? Did you ever think the reason why I argued was because I cared and because I loved you? Did you? I was wrong at the start, but why won't you give me a chance once more to try my very best? I want to change and I would do anything if I could be with you again once more. I would do my very best to make you happy once more, to show you I love you, to appreciate you, to love and care for you. But will you give me that chance? No, you wouldn't. I don't think you would even if i begged you. Look back at the times we had in the past, the happy moments, instead of the sadness that we went through. Was it that bad? 

Dear A, 

I would love to tell you that I love you so much, more than anything else in this world. No matter how hurt I am, how tired I am, how bored I am, how sick I am, I would never let this relationship go nor have given up on you. Right from the start when you made those vows and promises, I promised myself the same, but I don't know why things have to turn out this way. It hurts so bad, to see the way you treat me, inf act my heart is breaking and all I want to do right now is just hold you in my arms and not let you go. I wish I could, but it hurts that I only can look at you right now and wish that I could do so. True love only comes once in a lifetime, and you were the one I truly love from the bottom of my heart. I wish you knew that. Tonight my love, would be the last night I would think of you, just like what you want me to do, I would do as you say. I would leave you on your own right now, you are free to go, free to see whoever you want, free to do whatever you want. I'm letting you go but don't get me wrong, I'm not going to be with someone else, I'm just doing as you wish, because I know you ain't coming back for me, not anymore. Apart of me, wants to wait for you, but.. I don't have a choice anymore. I just want to cry all night with you by my side, holding me tight, imagining it right now all by myself is just too hard for me. Thank you for making me believe in love like I've never believed in, thank you for making me believe in having a future with someone I love, thank you for the times you were there for me, thank you for being patient, for sticking around although I hurt you, for being the one who gave me hope and believed in me, for calling me your true love, for making me understand what life is all about, for making me strive to become better, for making my days since April 17, 2010, a meaningful one. if only you would give me a chance or if only i could have you in my arms again, i swear I would appreciate you and never take you for granted because I never want to lose you ever again. I love you, I always will. I hope you'll be better without me. 

p/s: seeing you for the last time today, it made me feel more than happy to even have a glance of you although you didn't look at my face. 

:) one of my favorites <3

Love always, 

Amanda. 

As the days go by.

26/11/11- the day was going so well. i was busy with shooting my documentary which was about some malay dish which I've never tried. It was Jason's idea though, plus he helped me with the shooting, such a sweetheart right? :) after the shoot, i spent some time at Subang till evening, went back home for dinner but instead had a last minute plan with Ashley. She's one heck of a funny girl. she wanted to take me out to meet her friends so that I'll start dating again since I'm single. well, there were some good looking ones that talked, but oh well, not so soon. headed to one of the Kopitiam's and ended up going to Overtime to drink right up till 1am. phew. I had fun indeed, after so many weeks of plain torture and stress which was never ending from my relationship to my family to my studies. someone help me please :( however, the night didn't end well as usual thanks to you know who. i really felt so emotionally and mentally tortured. everytime he says something it affects me at some point based on the words he uses against me, just plain hurtful, but then there's always my good friends to comfort me and to tell me what i should do and what I shouldn't. so yes, i've made up my mind this time. 

27/11/11- slept reaaaaaaaaaly late last night, was on the phone ranting and complaining. haha. but had to wake up at 9am :| was suppose to head down to Pavillion to shop with the friends but i was super tired, so decided to go to Starbucks to get my PR documentation done, but as usual I couldn't concentrate, the moment I stepped into Aeon, all the shits came back into my mind again. smoked and smoked to ease the pain, and after a few hours of doing my work, I decided to destress myself by going for shoppppppping. got some really good deals (y) from Cotton On :D i was super duper happy when I got myself a leopard printed dress! 

THIS IS WHAT I BOUGHT. HEHEHEHE :D

i guess that's about it, whatever I did yesterday and today. hopefully tomorrow goes smoothly :))) I must be determined and confident this time! :DD

as my world falls apart.

23rd of November, the day my heart crushed into a million pieces. as i read those words, my tears rolled down my cheek, from a single tear to a river of tears. I've never felt so sad and heartbrokened in my life before until today. that one person, i put all my trust in, that one person whom i thought i knew all these while, that one person i thought i could count on, that one person i put the most effort into and spent almost two years loving him, was that person that brought me down to my weakest and worst point of my life. i never thought that this would end, after how much of promises and the will of fighting for this relationship, my one and only longest relationship. everyday, I thought about him, not a day i never stopped thinking, even when we argued, even when i was angry, all the time without fail, everywhere or anywhere I go, the first thing i think about is him. it has been him since day one of April 2010. never once i had that thought of cheating behind his back, not once. I've always tried so hard to be the best girlfriend since the start, I even learned cooking just to cook what he loves. But what did i get in the end? today, after trying so hard to avoid my thoughts and memories, finally it came to me. the first thing that came into my mind was the first few days we started dating, the day he would come visit me everyday without fail at work, buying me my favorite food, pork rice and we would go to the Botanic Park, spend sometime there taking pictures and talking to each other. i even remembered the days where we would go for movies, every Friday because we had different class timings, we would plan our timetable every semester, the days we had taking the train and the bus, the first day of my college, we went through hell but we went through it together. also, the wednesday's we had, the ice cream day, where you would get me my favorite ice cream, cotton candy and chocolate chip mint, the days we spent watching movies together in bed, the nights we smoked together behind his house when his parents weren't home, the amount of roses he got me almost every month everytime we argued, the times we spent always going for the best foods around that we can find, especially bah kut teh, the moments of sadness and happiness we always shared, we never really cared how it felt as long as we were together. the fingertip promises we made when i was leaving to australia, that he would wait for me till i'm back, the nights we spent talking nonsense on the phone for hours, the times we had when we finish college, he would hold my hand while his driving all the way back to klang, the holidays and shopping we spent together, even occasions like my birthday, and even valentines day, the one and only person i spent with, hoping and planning how to spend christmas with him this year when he gets back from korea on the 25th of December. all those memories, i will never have them back, and honestly i don't know where to start from here. it feels like I'm left all alone in the middle of the road, with no one to hear me screaming or crying. today is the day, i felt the worst, one of the days i would never forget that brought the worst pain in my heart. the worst part is having to face everyone with a smile on my face when deep down it hurts so much. Just so you know, I miss you so much till my whole body feels the pain, not only my heart, but every part of me. But here it is, as i type this with my tears rolling down my cheek, you're the best i ever had, the one and only person that i loved the most in my whole entire life. i wish you all the best and i hope you will find someone better then me, one day. i promise i would forget you even through tough times. goodbye my love.

First Time

the cuddly moments we had, sleeping together wrapping his arms around me, 

the little kisses and his chest, they make me feel like I'm his forever. 

the five fingertip promises we made, finally after a decade, we held it hand in hand again tonight <3

one of the best moments, when we looked at each other eye to eye while i held my arms around his neck and swayed :) 

one of the best day's that has ever been ever since the past three months and i know we just love each other too much that no matter what, we're always in this together, trying to work things out although it has been so hard. i would never give up on him, never. I want to trust him, and i will. although it may see so hard and heartbreaking at times, i'm willing to wait for him to change. willing to do my best for him, to show him that i appreciate him and to prove to him that he means the world to me. tonight, he made me feel like the first time. my love, let's fall in love all over again. :) 

i love you, Adrian lee. now, always and forever <3

90210

So, I've just watched 90210 and i realized that these girls in the movie are just nothing but pure spoiled brats! i mean i love the movie, but when i watch it, it just make me realize that they can be really mean when it comes to stereotyping or bullying. the could actually go to an extend of having sex with someone in order to break another person's heart. or even worst, these girls, just because they can't get to see some actor or date a hot guy in school, they think their life is over. what has these tv shows portray in the minds of people these days? I don't think they are doing any good, but instead they have been spoiling the minds of people that have watched their movies. there are so many girls out there trying so hard to have a slim body by starving themselves everyday, there are even people thinking that they can have sex with anyone in order to fit in, and even dressing the way they dress to look good and to be accepted in society. call me old fashioned, but then what I'm saying is somehow true in some ways, don't you think so? But there are also good deeds portrayed in the movie such as confidence and love which can be seen in Naomi's character. She would never just settle for anything but she would always want the best for her, therefore she never gives up. She even cares for her friends in the movie, but somehow in the end they betray each other. if you're wondering who's Naomi, well here she is : 

                                                                      she's hot, isn't she? :)

well, she's not the only hot one. Liam on the other hand, is so goddamn sexy and gorgeous. the only reason why I've been watching 90210. I can't stop staring at his body, the way he flips his hair, the way he talks, the way he walks, and even the way he just stares and say nothing but yet still so HOT. *drools*

 

ughhh his so cute! don't you think so?

HAHA okay fine maybe his not hot to you but then this type of guy fits my taste ;) i mean not that I can get him anyways. but hell yeah, his hot! enough said. 

HEARTACHES.

do you know what hurts the most? when the one person you care most about does not act or react the same way as you. everytime i try to make things better, everything is just so screwed up. do you know what it feels like to be ignored? to be waiting for one simple reply when you write something long and nice with all your heart but all that person does is reply like his forced to reply and appreciate it. it just hurts so bad that i feel like i'm not worth at all, where everyone out there is worth that one reply, but not me because i'm not that important after all or maybe because i've always been there so now i am being pushed around or being taken for granted? that feeling of hate, anger, sadness and disappointment resolves me all the time, but somehow i try to tell myself to be patient and things will be alright, but i never got that assurance or an answer to it. people ask me what do i see in him, and i replied i see someone that i'm willing to do anything as long as his happy. but will he do the same? everyone says he doesn't deserve him because its me that loves him more than he loves me but all the time i try so hard to back him up, to deny every single thing they say. but will you ever do that for me? 
WHY does love have to be so hard, you tell me? why do the loyal ones always get hurt? 

back to those times.

i don't know why but this thought suddenly came into my mind. while i was scrolling through people's pics i suddenly thought about the times these two people were so madly in love, and now that we're all grown up, i see the both of them in two different people's arms. it's really saddening because when i asked, he said i don't really know what kind of relationship we're in now, whether we're flings or really in a relationship. i mean yeah we have to move on. but i just don't get why two people can't be in a relationship for long. just because one person changes? how is it possible for one to change and not have feelings for the one you really really loved and that's why you chose to be with him? if only, people never did change, life would have been much easier. 

Oh Happy Day.

            and so... the day was nicely done today. not much of  a big hassle or a time planned kind of thing, and things actually worked out pretty well :) went to MGS the first thing in the morning today to confirm about the event, but as usual i couldn't enter the school because i was wearing a dress above my knee, such silly rules! it rained in the morning and i thought it would be a bad way to start the day, so went to college but class was canceled. therefore, i spent the next 5 hours with baby. we watched some videos and then went for a movie. guess what movie it is? hehe, Johnny English Reborn.

            Basically, the movie is about Rowan Atkinson getting back as a spy/ whatever is it called, and he was then mistaken to be a secret agent whom was really dangerous and was then being searched for by the CIA. Don't want to be a spoiler but, i actually thought that the first movie was wayyyyy better than this one because it was much hilarious. This one was hilarious too, but to me it wasn't really that funny except for the last few scenes. oh well, but still i had fun because i got to watch it with baby, and everything felt really nice :D 

            after the movie, went back to college for tv production class and out of nowhere there was a talk by this guy named Jess, an employer relations guy andddddd, for the first time in my whole life, i actually listened and felt that i should change after the talk. i mean seriously, it was good to me because it was a good start for us to start preparing ourselves for the future where we would be employed by others. i really thought of my future suddenly, and what i would want to be and how will i achieve those dreams, if i'm always a small and petite looking girl which doesn't stand out. i really need to STAND OUT and have the courage in everything i do instead of always letting people take my place when i know i can do it. oh and he also said that smelling good is another important thing! HAHA funny but true indeed. alright i guess that's all for now, time to work on my storyboard! woots! :))))

p/s : i trust you in every single way, no matter how hard it is, but I've made a choice to change, trust and love you with all my heart just as how you've always loved me <3

Seventeenth.

i'm happy, i'm grateful for everything that I have.

but sometimes i ask myself? is this the life that I want? is this how things are suppose to be?

it's just another day where my mind starts to wander and ask me questions in my head.

it's like as if i'm missing apart of me no matter how happy I am.

I'm happy to have a family that cares, a boyfriend that loves me for who I am. 

at times i regret always making a big fuss about the things that he always does, 

but what do i get in the end after all those arguments? 

nothing but only a feeling where I feel the closeness is gone. where I feel like things between us are drifting apart.

i admit, i overreacted and i think too much at times. 

i've changed to become a more matured and reasonable person. but yet, why don't i feel the same like how we used to be anymore? i miss you. i miss every little thing we had, i wish we could go back to the start,

where nothing else matters except me and you. why can't it be the same? 

i miss those times where you would show me way too much affection, 

where you would never wanna let my hand go, where you would send me long messages during our anniversary, where you would just be so loving and caring all the time. has it all gone away?

at times i look back and i constantly think about what it would be like if you have left me. that feeling really scares me to death and i'm so grateful that you're still with me, through thick and thin,

through every hardship, every single attitude that I've had and been. 

Don't get me wrong, i really appreciate everything and i know that you love me. 

But now i just need assurance and affection.

That's what i've been longing for all these while. 

and i'm still waiting patiently for that day to come. 

I love you, and i hope you know and appreciate how much I do. 

i just wish i could let you know how i feel, but I just can't open up to you 

and make myself feel like i'm bugging you.

i just wanna hold you close, and never let you go.

Happy17th Anniversary baby. I love you, and it has always been you all these while. Sorry for the times i've hurt you, and thank you for making me feel loved again <3 You're the best thing that has ever happened to me .

Brand new.

and life goes on. this journey,
i'll have to walk a thousand miles whether with you hand in hand, or someone else or alone, 
i'll go through it with strength and determination. 
everything else doesn't matter anymore, its my dreams that is going to be focused on from now on.
life is much easier than i thought it was, 
and there's a whole new perspective in me that really wants to shine brightly and stand out.
I do not regret the pain I have been through in the past, it made me who I am today, 
and I'm proud of it. something i'll always remember, 
god gave us life because he knew that we had the ability to live it. 


:)

Arms by Christina Perri

I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart
But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start

You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go
You put your arms around me and I'm home

How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around
I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home

The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved
I never wanna leave you but I can't make you bleed if I'm alone

You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home

I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth
And I've never opened up
I've never truly loved 'Till you put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go


I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home

You put your arms around me and I'm home. 


this song is really meaningful. it just explains how much or fear i have in my heart when it comes to love. 

In the end, this is all that matters.

i read through it although it was so hurtful and long to continue with,

while my tears rolled down,

thinking why he would say such words to me in the first place. 

they say, what's from the heart, come's out from the mouth.

so i guess it's true, there isn't anything left and all you want is a break.

i thought about it the whole night, and yes. I'll let you have it.

loving someone does not mean we need to be with that person,

as long as that person is happy, you should be happy for him/her. 

and yes, i'm happy for you. 

i know i shouldn't be looking back at the past but there are so many reasons why i do it. 

they say first loves are hard to forget, that makes it even harder to hate that person,

and i know you'll never forget her neither will you hate her no matter how much you deny it. 

that's probably why I can't accept the fact or trust you with these. 

you've done everything with her. who am i now? i'm sure there are times where we went out together,

that made you remember about the past. didn't it? you guys had so much to remember and i am just the one in the middle. out of nowhere i just feel that way. oh and worst still our anniversary is on the same day which is 17th, how the fuck will i feel? i just feel like a fuckin' replacement, seriously. oh and worst still you blog soooooo much about her, and for me i don't see anything new or different from what you do for her. read your blog, and it was really sweet of you posting up things for her and ending it with an 'ily'.
you don't even show me much affection anymore, all i see is just you being tired and bored of everything. 
you don't even care when i buy you something. not even a single appreciation or even a "thank you" from you when i even bought you the drink cos' you're sick before i went to college. 
not a single post on my wall for my birthday, not even a shoutout or a status for me anymore. not a single reply on fb when you can reply all your friends but not me. you broke my heart even on my birthday and yet i'm wiling to forgive you.
to come to think of it, i feel like a fool. worst still, i'm at my worst now. all i want to do is just be alone for now. i don't deserve all this from you. not at all. like what people say, it's like i'm the only one caring so much about this relationship but not you and i deserve better.

i still remember everything that you've told me in the past. right until today. whatever you told me and what you said you'll be. but it's all different now, ain't it? because people fucking change! 

i'm done trying to convince myself that everything feels alright. but in the end, i know it will never be the same for you, no matter how hard i try. 

it's just too hard for me and i can't take it anymore.


p/s : i'm not jealous or anything, but frankly speaking, i just feel like a replacement. really. and it really hurts being in this situation. it just sucks to be me. 

it's you who let me go in the end, so let it be. goodbye. 

THE THINGS I FEEL, I CAN NEVER DESCRIBE IT NOR TELL ANYONE ABOUT IT.

ITS TORTURING YET PAINFUL AT THE SAME TIME.

BUT I GUESS ITS JUST,

ME AGAINST THE WORLD.

Popper.

HELLO I'M BACK AGAIN :D just made a few changes with my blog and it looks perfect to me now. ohwell, i've not been blogging for ages thanks to the shitload of assignments and work to be done throughout sem 3 and now it's finally OVER. but with finals coming up next 2 weeks, i guess today will be the day i should blog before i start studying (: i've been spending the rest of my time with Pink as usual since i'm a "loner" for now but things have been okay for me i guess. and so, since i'm such a die-hard-fan-of-movies, i decided to watch MR POPPERS PENGUIN. the most adorable and awesome movie i've watched so far. the touching yet comedy movie was so good that i feel like watching it again. so here it is : 

the penguins is so adorable and so is Jim Carrey, the ultimate comedy man ever. haha. i've been in love with his movies since i was a kid right until now, would never missed them for the world. i really really suggest all movie goers out there, please watch it! you'll not regret ;) moving on, there were alot of thigns happening lately like: 

1. relationship problems.

2.drama with the "parents" 

3. assignments

4. finals in two weeks

5. financial issues for shopping ;P

6. stress, anger, depression. 

okay so that's basically what i've been going through. OH and not forgetting "DILEMMA". yes, i'm actually confused with what i want to do with life, or what should i do, what decision i should make. i've been thinking so hard and yet i stillc ant find the answer. WHY OH WHY. can someone please tell me? ugh.

27.05.2011

hello people! :D

here I am updating my blog again, after some time. 

well, today has been some kind of a productive day tho' although it was stressful and frustrating in the morning.

seriously, college was a bitch today. never loved this semester!

knew it was gonna be a mess, but OH WELL.

woke up at 6am today only to find out that it was raining super heavily on a weekday 

when i have 8am classes. SCREW 8AM classes!

went to college with my wet clothes and ended up doing assignments the whole day, rushing and rushing

and it's only like what? the first week of the semester? fucked up. 

BUT..

anyways, i had an awesome lunch :D i know i said i'm gonna go on a diet but the plan somehow always

fails, since i'm a super big eater, but surprisingly i didn't eat anything at all yesterday

since i was sick. so yeah. 

came home and slept after that, woke up and went for dinner and pool with Pink and Song Chee.

the only two klang people i can actually count on. seriously, i think i'm losing all my klang friends.

i've not seen any of them around lately except those who are in my college of course.

but i did have a fun night and i've just thought of starting to practice playing pool. I KNOW I SUCK AT IT OK. but it can always be learnt. :D

thank god, i've been better lately. gotta slow down on smoking. its killing my throat. :/

oh and someone's birthday is today, so..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHIN GUAN :D

have fun (:

TIRED.

PATHETIC. you know i've come to realized that my life is so pathetic and sad. I've no interest or talent in anything. all i do is listen to people going on and on about their lives and how things goes and how everything's so great this way and that way. and then i come home, and i just stare completely blank at the ceiling thinking, what am i good at? what am i actually interested in doing and how pathetic my life is. why do i feel this way ? why ? is it because of all the stress that i have been facing? all the relationship stuffs that has been going thru my head, and no one else knows how i feel, not even my boyfriend. sometimes i think it's all because of the way i was brought up. i wasn't like any other kids who had the best childhood memories. all i remember from my childhood were all negative stuffs, and now being treated unfairly all the time, it sucks. living with overprotective parents, are the worst thing ever. i'm deprived from everything, EVERYTHING that i love to do, everything a young girl would want to do. i'm not blaming them for being overprotective, but seriously, deep down i feel like shit. i feel like i've known nothing about the world but instead i'm protected from the realistic world. it's like there's no freedom at all. and just when the semester break starts, this thoughts in my head, they're so torturing. and knowing that everything is a lie, it's so hard to really trust a person sometimes, but i'm just living with it. sad isn't it ? i know.

p/s : nothing can make me feel better anymore. these tears that can never stop rolling down, i'm done with it.  if only time could turn back to how it was...

 goodbye.

Bits & Pieces.

OKAY, SO HERE'S THE THING. everyone is shocked to find out that I'm smoking. why so? i don't get it either. haha! some of my friends staring at me weirdly, some asking me "sinc when do you smoke", "when you started smoking?" & etc etc. i mean, yeah maybe before this i didn't so yeah i've changed to become more "bad" i can say. but oh well. it's just for sometime after all the stress that has been going on with college and relationships. but it's all good people. yeah i smoke, and drink at times, so what? deal with it. if you wanna judge me then go ahead. i'm fine with it :) i have the right to make my own choices and decisions. anyway, i'm not going to say much about that..

5:30pm - went to watch FAST 5. and hell yeah i can say it was one of the most best and awesomest movie ever. i don't mind paying to watch it again. (Y) the way they robbed and steal those cars and money, pro sial :O and guess what? i actually liked Vin Diesel although i said i dislike muscular guys, but him, OMG HOT AS HELL. loved his body and his character in the movie. yums.

10.00pm - Went to meet song chee and pink at Express. yeah, i've been hanging out with her like almost everyday. what would i do without her. gossiped about some stuffs, did some catching up with song chee as well. puffed and drank a few cups. i can never drink much, my face and eyes gets super red. that's why i hate drinking :S so yeah.

OH OH. and for Mother's day, made a card for mummy and got her a bouquet of flowers :D i know, i know i'm a really good daughter. hehehe :P

   p/s : happy mother's day mummy ♥

                                                                            

Mad.

THANKS. i'm one of the worst people you met, and you're pissed at me? what for? why do i even deserve all this shit from you? Just because you're frustrated , i deserve to get all the screaming and shouting? if you don't know how to change your attitude and be polite, then don't fuckin' talk to me. I've been so patient all these while, but how long can a person take it? i no longer can, and then you blame me for not appreciating you when i cared so much about you, put you first in everything i do. can you even find someone as understanding as me? i know at times i'm a pain in the ass, but not once in my life i screamed at you out of frustration. i have feelings too, i'm not a toy like what i've always said. i have a heart that has been broken into a million pieces thanks to you, but yet i keep forgiving and coming back to you. but you'll never understand right? you'll never feel even a little bit happy and i don't appreciate you right? then don't fucking care about me anymore since i don't deserve to be with someone like you. my heart is really hurting. TOO MUCH. but not once, i teared or complained about it but instead i tried to be patient and stayed strong. but what now?

i just feel like giving up on everything.

i just wanna leave. 

and, 

27/04/12

WEDNESDAY. Hello readers or followers , if i have one. :O its been awhile since i blogged. oh well, have been super busy with assignments for the pass 3 weeks! torturing as hell. i'm kinda free now tho,so felt like updating my blog. hmmm, spent the whole day in Subang today. Super EPIC. hahaha! firstly, the reason why i was in Subang was to study, but instead there are so many distractions there, ALL THE FREAKING time. even from the train, to the walks, college, and etc. So, i took the train down with mar lynn today with our super sleepy eyes, and we actually didn't want anything epci to happen, so yeah it didn't in the morning. Headed down to ac for a drink then to MED to study, but as usual we got distracted by the crowd and the loud music, worst still, the whole shop started singing 'The Lazy Song' when it was played. after studying for a lil while, i ecided to wear my shades to sleep instead till the crowd lessen. woke up, studied for awhile then headed to Salmon Steak to have steak rice. YUM ! met Jason there, after such a loooong time of not hang out. it was kinda awkward at first, but as usual we were back to our crazy selves. haha. The funniest thig is, we saw a freaking man who was short and had a huge belly, that looks like Mr. Potatoman. Laughed the shit out of ourselves the whole time there and then headed to MED again. spent sometime studying tho. after studying, we were all super tired and Jega decided to leave at 430pm but as usual, my fault for asking her to wait till 530. but in the end we left at 510pm, but was caught in the rain so we sat in front of a bank for like 45mins, talking cock the whole time. and jason was kind enough to follow and got stucked with us as well. sat there talking the whole time and decided to leave when the rain was slowed down. Shared one miserable umbrella with Jega and walked to ktm, all the freaking drivers with no brains sped so fast and the water just splashed on us. Such a bitch ! epic thing is, me and lynn are the worst road crossers, we're more like a chicken crossing the road, lost with no directions screaming all the way till we crossed it. 

HAHAHAHA OMG LOOK WHAT I CAME ACROSS !

That's exactly what i meant ! hahahaha! 

oh well, thank god Anand was there to lead us there. So we reached the ktm all wet and smelly, and the train came at about 7pm, and as usual it was packed like crazy ! pushed and stuffed ourselves into the train and that's when lynn said, "OMG i think i lost my phone!" GREAT. i was super panicked and her face was also in panic and fear, searched her whole bag and ended up finding it in her small pocket inside her bag. Phew! I guess that's what i did the whole day. a long day filled with nonsense and crap as well as experience. HAHA.  I had fun though, yeah it was pretty much fun and i'm sure i'll be missing all of them during the semester break :( here's some picture's of us :

 ME & MY BABY, LYNN <3

US AGAIN : )

 SLEEPING WITH MY SHADES ON : )

anyways, that's all for today. GOODNIGHT :) 

p/s : I've never changed at all, maybe it's just the environment that we live in or the boundaries like what you said ;)

HOP.

Hello! here i am, blogging again since i have nothing better to do. so deal with it lar okay? :D
soooo, let's see what happen today. ohyeah, I've decided to start going for jogging every Friday. and i wanted to start today butttt....FAILED ! as usual. pfttt. went to three places just to jog but failed thanks to the traffic jam and rain! worst part is, my diet plan failed too, instead of going for jogging i went for duck an pork rice -_- and i even ate during lunch which is like double eating. DAMNNNN. i needa control, but it's so damn hard living in Malaysia with all the yummy and oily foood.

here it is, can you see the amount of oil in it ? :( 

but its so damn tempting !

so after lunch, we headed down to MBO, for a movie. Wanted to watch Sucker Punch but instead, i saw this super duper adroable plus cute movie instead, and i decided to watch it, especially since i love fluffy chickens :O cutest movie ever ! ARGH. The movie is called HOP. even the title is so goddamn cuteeeee! 

basically this movie is about the Easter Rabbit that owns like a huge candy factory and goes around the world 

sending candies, sweets and marshmallows to all the kids. it's super cute and nice . i should stop here and let you guys watch the rest :) you better watch it ! 

isn't this chicken so damn adorable and fluffy? grrr.

AND THIS ONE. DANCING CHICK. awwwww <3 so damn cute. 

okay i think i'm getting so into the movie now. hahaha! just watch it la okay?! well it was a long but fun day spent with the boyfriend. i really had fun after months of arguing and stress from relationships :D but then, at the same time feeling guilty for not studying when finals are so near. SHEEEETTTT. anyways, goodnight world ! i'm off to bed :) 

hehe, one more picca before i leave to bed! :)

COLLEGE COLLEGE COLLEGE.

College has been crazily, retardedly, scarily and stressful to me lately. I mean its normal to go to college everyday to study and everything. But for us mass-commers, its like basically slacking the whole time in college until the very last minute then we indulge ourselves and suffer the whole night studying or doing assignments. so that's what basically happens each and everyday. and ever since the McD craze for the free breakfast the past two weeks, coffee has been keeping me all hyped up and crazy for the rest of the day. it's like we're having mcd, probably four times a week. crazy, no? TERRIBLY UNHEALTHY. after this, it's diet or a week ! like i can. But i've met this crazy bunch of friends that i could totally blend in with lately, totally crazy and fun people. and i just love them so much for making college so much more fun! <3 so to start off, i spent the day taking pics, eating, hanging out and gossiping. Was hanging around with this guy called Anand, a new friend to us i could say? pretty much of a decent guy tho :) can you believe we had a test at 4pm but we were gossiping non stop in Starbucks? hahaha. that's how relaxed we are. oh oh. here's some retarded pics we took : 

 Me, Mar Lynn & Sobba <3

RETARDS :D

 US again :) 

my girlfie, Marlyyn :D

I LOVE YOU PEOPLE TO THE MAX :D

not forgetting Fred, Penny and Jega as well :)

Curve.

well,well,well,

HELLOI'MBACKAGAIN :D

what a long day i had today, was out the whole day right up till 8pm.

and here i am blogging after wondering what to blog about when there's so many things to.

woke up today at 830am and went for Dim sum.

ate hell alot like i always do, although i'm suppose to be dieting :O

mum invited the boyfie along as well so he came along too.

went to klang parade after years ! it's been awhile.

ate and ate till we were all so full !

after that...

i left to Mid Valley for about an hour or two.

the place was illed with loads of people and i was sick of it.

so decided to go to the Curve instead.

just when i reached, it started raining.

and guess what?

my plan to walk around the street market was ruined since it was outdoor.

grrr -_-

but ohwell, i only went window shopping, so i only bought a few things,

cute lil ones, that is :D

hairbands, earrings, owl ring and belts :D

accessories mostly, hehehehe xD

and now i'm officially broke and i'll have 

to starve or eat maggi cup for the next three days :'(

anyways, that's all for today! 

i'm supertired and i'm suppose to be studying 

but then, its back to square one.

PROCRASTINATION.

:'(

the best lines i saw on tumblr. totally explains what i always want to say to you.
but then I'm afraid to. its not that i don't want to say it, but I've got this ego that holds me back.
deep down inside, i feel this way, but i just don't want to say it. i don't like showing my feelings.
i truly suck at it. i can never ever show my real feelings. on the outside, i'm all fine and okay with everything but actually i'm not. it's really hard for me at times to describe things, in act if you can really see through my eyes, i'm the most jealous girlfriend you can ever have.

although i'm the worst and the rudest girlfriend ever, deep down inside i still love you♥ and i'm sorry.

Random Updates.

HELLO HELLO :D

okay, i don't even know why but apparently i'm addicted to blogging now.

suddenly so semangat to blog although i'm having tons of assignments to do.

talking about assignments, I've been doing this self-ad which suppose to represent the positive side of me.

and in order to do that, i need to be super-pro in editing and I need a pic of myself, full body in order to make it look like a poster. and sooo, i did take a few pics. haha. but they're not really good cuz i'm not photogenic. 

=( sad i know, but then what else can i do. but no worries, i'll be done soon :D my friend says he'll help me out with it :D and so, during the weekends, my bf came over to help me take some photos. and here's how it looks like : don't laugh ! 

 not HOT la okay. :P

FAILED.

MY MOST FAVOURITE PIC <3

the boyfriend , girlfriend :)

okay i think that's about it for the pics! :) btw, i'm so so addicted to Price Tag by Jessie J. 

Have been listening to it like the 8th time ever since. gahhh -__-

i'm suppose to be doing assignments, but i'm so damn lazy to do so :(

hmm, let's see what i have left on my to-do list : 

TO-DO LIST :
1. Marketing assignment
2. Advertising - self advertisment & box story layout. and book ad - done with sketch tho : (
3. DIE - Poster for courses in INTI
4. News Writing - Creating a newspaper = 3 articles per week ! done with 2, 1 left !

5. DIE Test - next wednesday 2-4pm ! STUDY STUDY STUDY !

6. To have Ninja Joes for lunch :P *teehee. A MUST DO !
7. Law Analysis - Mind mapping and presentation !
8. Watch Big Momma :D
9. Learn Photoshop! : ( the hardest shit on earth .

THAT'S ALL FOR NOW. KTHXBAI.