as my world falls apart.

23rd of November, the day my heart crushed into a million pieces. as i read those words, my tears rolled down my cheek, from a single tear to a river of tears. I've never felt so sad and heartbrokened in my life before until today. that one person, i put all my trust in, that one person whom i thought i knew all these while, that one person i thought i could count on, that one person i put the most effort into and spent almost two years loving him, was that person that brought me down to my weakest and worst point of my life. i never thought that this would end, after how much of promises and the will of fighting for this relationship, my one and only longest relationship. everyday, I thought about him, not a day i never stopped thinking, even when we argued, even when i was angry, all the time without fail, everywhere or anywhere I go, the first thing i think about is him. it has been him since day one of April 2010. never once i had that thought of cheating behind his back, not once. I've always tried so hard to be the best girlfriend since the start, I even learned cooking just to cook what he loves. But what did i get in the end? today, after trying so hard to avoid my thoughts and memories, finally it came to me. the first thing that came into my mind was the first few days we started dating, the day he would come visit me everyday without fail at work, buying me my favorite food, pork rice and we would go to the Botanic Park, spend sometime there taking pictures and talking to each other. i even remembered the days where we would go for movies, every Friday because we had different class timings, we would plan our timetable every semester, the days we had taking the train and the bus, the first day of my college, we went through hell but we went through it together. also, the wednesday's we had, the ice cream day, where you would get me my favorite ice cream, cotton candy and chocolate chip mint, the days we spent watching movies together in bed, the nights we smoked together behind his house when his parents weren't home, the amount of roses he got me almost every month everytime we argued, the times we spent always going for the best foods around that we can find, especially bah kut teh, the moments of sadness and happiness we always shared, we never really cared how it felt as long as we were together. the fingertip promises we made when i was leaving to australia, that he would wait for me till i'm back, the nights we spent talking nonsense on the phone for hours, the times we had when we finish college, he would hold my hand while his driving all the way back to klang, the holidays and shopping we spent together, even occasions like my birthday, and even valentines day, the one and only person i spent with, hoping and planning how to spend christmas with him this year when he gets back from korea on the 25th of December. all those memories, i will never have them back, and honestly i don't know where to start from here. it feels like I'm left all alone in the middle of the road, with no one to hear me screaming or crying. today is the day, i felt the worst, one of the days i would never forget that brought the worst pain in my heart. the worst part is having to face everyone with a smile on my face when deep down it hurts so much. Just so you know, I miss you so much till my whole body feels the pain, not only my heart, but every part of me. But here it is, as i type this with my tears rolling down my cheek, you're the best i ever had, the one and only person that i loved the most in my whole entire life. i wish you all the best and i hope you will find someone better then me, one day. i promise i would forget you even through tough times. goodbye my love.