First Time

the cuddly moments we had, sleeping together wrapping his arms around me, 

the little kisses and his chest, they make me feel like I'm his forever. 

the five fingertip promises we made, finally after a decade, we held it hand in hand again tonight <3

one of the best moments, when we looked at each other eye to eye while i held my arms around his neck and swayed :) 

one of the best day's that has ever been ever since the past three months and i know we just love each other too much that no matter what, we're always in this together, trying to work things out although it has been so hard. i would never give up on him, never. I want to trust him, and i will. although it may see so hard and heartbreaking at times, i'm willing to wait for him to change. willing to do my best for him, to show him that i appreciate him and to prove to him that he means the world to me. tonight, he made me feel like the first time. my love, let's fall in love all over again. :) 

i love you, Adrian lee. now, always and forever <3

90210

So, I've just watched 90210 and i realized that these girls in the movie are just nothing but pure spoiled brats! i mean i love the movie, but when i watch it, it just make me realize that they can be really mean when it comes to stereotyping or bullying. the could actually go to an extend of having sex with someone in order to break another person's heart. or even worst, these girls, just because they can't get to see some actor or date a hot guy in school, they think their life is over. what has these tv shows portray in the minds of people these days? I don't think they are doing any good, but instead they have been spoiling the minds of people that have watched their movies. there are so many girls out there trying so hard to have a slim body by starving themselves everyday, there are even people thinking that they can have sex with anyone in order to fit in, and even dressing the way they dress to look good and to be accepted in society. call me old fashioned, but then what I'm saying is somehow true in some ways, don't you think so? But there are also good deeds portrayed in the movie such as confidence and love which can be seen in Naomi's character. She would never just settle for anything but she would always want the best for her, therefore she never gives up. She even cares for her friends in the movie, but somehow in the end they betray each other. if you're wondering who's Naomi, well here she is : 

                                                                      she's hot, isn't she? :)

well, she's not the only hot one. Liam on the other hand, is so goddamn sexy and gorgeous. the only reason why I've been watching 90210. I can't stop staring at his body, the way he flips his hair, the way he talks, the way he walks, and even the way he just stares and say nothing but yet still so HOT. *drools*

 

ughhh his so cute! don't you think so?

HAHA okay fine maybe his not hot to you but then this type of guy fits my taste ;) i mean not that I can get him anyways. but hell yeah, his hot! enough said. 

HEARTACHES.

do you know what hurts the most? when the one person you care most about does not act or react the same way as you. everytime i try to make things better, everything is just so screwed up. do you know what it feels like to be ignored? to be waiting for one simple reply when you write something long and nice with all your heart but all that person does is reply like his forced to reply and appreciate it. it just hurts so bad that i feel like i'm not worth at all, where everyone out there is worth that one reply, but not me because i'm not that important after all or maybe because i've always been there so now i am being pushed around or being taken for granted? that feeling of hate, anger, sadness and disappointment resolves me all the time, but somehow i try to tell myself to be patient and things will be alright, but i never got that assurance or an answer to it. people ask me what do i see in him, and i replied i see someone that i'm willing to do anything as long as his happy. but will he do the same? everyone says he doesn't deserve him because its me that loves him more than he loves me but all the time i try so hard to back him up, to deny every single thing they say. but will you ever do that for me? 
WHY does love have to be so hard, you tell me? why do the loyal ones always get hurt? 

back to those times.

i don't know why but this thought suddenly came into my mind. while i was scrolling through people's pics i suddenly thought about the times these two people were so madly in love, and now that we're all grown up, i see the both of them in two different people's arms. it's really saddening because when i asked, he said i don't really know what kind of relationship we're in now, whether we're flings or really in a relationship. i mean yeah we have to move on. but i just don't get why two people can't be in a relationship for long. just because one person changes? how is it possible for one to change and not have feelings for the one you really really loved and that's why you chose to be with him? if only, people never did change, life would have been much easier. 

Oh Happy Day.

            and so... the day was nicely done today. not much of  a big hassle or a time planned kind of thing, and things actually worked out pretty well :) went to MGS the first thing in the morning today to confirm about the event, but as usual i couldn't enter the school because i was wearing a dress above my knee, such silly rules! it rained in the morning and i thought it would be a bad way to start the day, so went to college but class was canceled. therefore, i spent the next 5 hours with baby. we watched some videos and then went for a movie. guess what movie it is? hehe, Johnny English Reborn.

            Basically, the movie is about Rowan Atkinson getting back as a spy/ whatever is it called, and he was then mistaken to be a secret agent whom was really dangerous and was then being searched for by the CIA. Don't want to be a spoiler but, i actually thought that the first movie was wayyyyy better than this one because it was much hilarious. This one was hilarious too, but to me it wasn't really that funny except for the last few scenes. oh well, but still i had fun because i got to watch it with baby, and everything felt really nice :D 

            after the movie, went back to college for tv production class and out of nowhere there was a talk by this guy named Jess, an employer relations guy andddddd, for the first time in my whole life, i actually listened and felt that i should change after the talk. i mean seriously, it was good to me because it was a good start for us to start preparing ourselves for the future where we would be employed by others. i really thought of my future suddenly, and what i would want to be and how will i achieve those dreams, if i'm always a small and petite looking girl which doesn't stand out. i really need to STAND OUT and have the courage in everything i do instead of always letting people take my place when i know i can do it. oh and he also said that smelling good is another important thing! HAHA funny but true indeed. alright i guess that's all for now, time to work on my storyboard! woots! :))))

p/s : i trust you in every single way, no matter how hard it is, but I've made a choice to change, trust and love you with all my heart just as how you've always loved me <3

Seventeenth.

i'm happy, i'm grateful for everything that I have.

but sometimes i ask myself? is this the life that I want? is this how things are suppose to be?

it's just another day where my mind starts to wander and ask me questions in my head.

it's like as if i'm missing apart of me no matter how happy I am.

I'm happy to have a family that cares, a boyfriend that loves me for who I am. 

at times i regret always making a big fuss about the things that he always does, 

but what do i get in the end after all those arguments? 

nothing but only a feeling where I feel the closeness is gone. where I feel like things between us are drifting apart.

i admit, i overreacted and i think too much at times. 

i've changed to become a more matured and reasonable person. but yet, why don't i feel the same like how we used to be anymore? i miss you. i miss every little thing we had, i wish we could go back to the start,

where nothing else matters except me and you. why can't it be the same? 

i miss those times where you would show me way too much affection, 

where you would never wanna let my hand go, where you would send me long messages during our anniversary, where you would just be so loving and caring all the time. has it all gone away?

at times i look back and i constantly think about what it would be like if you have left me. that feeling really scares me to death and i'm so grateful that you're still with me, through thick and thin,

through every hardship, every single attitude that I've had and been. 

Don't get me wrong, i really appreciate everything and i know that you love me. 

But now i just need assurance and affection.

That's what i've been longing for all these while. 

and i'm still waiting patiently for that day to come. 

I love you, and i hope you know and appreciate how much I do. 

i just wish i could let you know how i feel, but I just can't open up to you 

and make myself feel like i'm bugging you.

i just wanna hold you close, and never let you go.

Happy17th Anniversary baby. I love you, and it has always been you all these while. Sorry for the times i've hurt you, and thank you for making me feel loved again <3 You're the best thing that has ever happened to me .

Brand new.

and life goes on. this journey,
i'll have to walk a thousand miles whether with you hand in hand, or someone else or alone, 
i'll go through it with strength and determination. 
everything else doesn't matter anymore, its my dreams that is going to be focused on from now on.
life is much easier than i thought it was, 
and there's a whole new perspective in me that really wants to shine brightly and stand out.
I do not regret the pain I have been through in the past, it made me who I am today, 
and I'm proud of it. something i'll always remember, 
god gave us life because he knew that we had the ability to live it. 


:)