In the end, this is all that matters.

i read through it although it was so hurtful and long to continue with,

while my tears rolled down,

thinking why he would say such words to me in the first place. 

they say, what's from the heart, come's out from the mouth.

so i guess it's true, there isn't anything left and all you want is a break.

i thought about it the whole night, and yes. I'll let you have it.

loving someone does not mean we need to be with that person,

as long as that person is happy, you should be happy for him/her. 

and yes, i'm happy for you. 

i know i shouldn't be looking back at the past but there are so many reasons why i do it. 

they say first loves are hard to forget, that makes it even harder to hate that person,

and i know you'll never forget her neither will you hate her no matter how much you deny it. 

that's probably why I can't accept the fact or trust you with these. 

you've done everything with her. who am i now? i'm sure there are times where we went out together,

that made you remember about the past. didn't it? you guys had so much to remember and i am just the one in the middle. out of nowhere i just feel that way. oh and worst still our anniversary is on the same day which is 17th, how the fuck will i feel? i just feel like a fuckin' replacement, seriously. oh and worst still you blog soooooo much about her, and for me i don't see anything new or different from what you do for her. read your blog, and it was really sweet of you posting up things for her and ending it with an 'ily'.
you don't even show me much affection anymore, all i see is just you being tired and bored of everything. 
you don't even care when i buy you something. not even a single appreciation or even a "thank you" from you when i even bought you the drink cos' you're sick before i went to college. 
not a single post on my wall for my birthday, not even a shoutout or a status for me anymore. not a single reply on fb when you can reply all your friends but not me. you broke my heart even on my birthday and yet i'm wiling to forgive you.
to come to think of it, i feel like a fool. worst still, i'm at my worst now. all i want to do is just be alone for now. i don't deserve all this from you. not at all. like what people say, it's like i'm the only one caring so much about this relationship but not you and i deserve better.

i still remember everything that you've told me in the past. right until today. whatever you told me and what you said you'll be. but it's all different now, ain't it? because people fucking change! 

i'm done trying to convince myself that everything feels alright. but in the end, i know it will never be the same for you, no matter how hard i try. 

it's just too hard for me and i can't take it anymore.


p/s : i'm not jealous or anything, but frankly speaking, i just feel like a replacement. really. and it really hurts being in this situation. it just sucks to be me. 

it's you who let me go in the end, so let it be. goodbye. 

THE THINGS I FEEL, I CAN NEVER DESCRIBE IT NOR TELL ANYONE ABOUT IT.

ITS TORTURING YET PAINFUL AT THE SAME TIME.

BUT I GUESS ITS JUST,

ME AGAINST THE WORLD.

Popper.

HELLO I'M BACK AGAIN :D just made a few changes with my blog and it looks perfect to me now. ohwell, i've not been blogging for ages thanks to the shitload of assignments and work to be done throughout sem 3 and now it's finally OVER. but with finals coming up next 2 weeks, i guess today will be the day i should blog before i start studying (: i've been spending the rest of my time with Pink as usual since i'm a "loner" for now but things have been okay for me i guess. and so, since i'm such a die-hard-fan-of-movies, i decided to watch MR POPPERS PENGUIN. the most adorable and awesome movie i've watched so far. the touching yet comedy movie was so good that i feel like watching it again. so here it is : 

the penguins is so adorable and so is Jim Carrey, the ultimate comedy man ever. haha. i've been in love with his movies since i was a kid right until now, would never missed them for the world. i really really suggest all movie goers out there, please watch it! you'll not regret ;) moving on, there were alot of thigns happening lately like: 

1. relationship problems.

2.drama with the "parents" 

3. assignments

4. finals in two weeks

5. financial issues for shopping ;P

6. stress, anger, depression. 

okay so that's basically what i've been going through. OH and not forgetting "DILEMMA". yes, i'm actually confused with what i want to do with life, or what should i do, what decision i should make. i've been thinking so hard and yet i stillc ant find the answer. WHY OH WHY. can someone please tell me? ugh.

27.05.2011

hello people! :D

here I am updating my blog again, after some time. 

well, today has been some kind of a productive day tho' although it was stressful and frustrating in the morning.

seriously, college was a bitch today. never loved this semester!

knew it was gonna be a mess, but OH WELL.

woke up at 6am today only to find out that it was raining super heavily on a weekday 

when i have 8am classes. SCREW 8AM classes!

went to college with my wet clothes and ended up doing assignments the whole day, rushing and rushing

and it's only like what? the first week of the semester? fucked up. 

BUT..

anyways, i had an awesome lunch :D i know i said i'm gonna go on a diet but the plan somehow always

fails, since i'm a super big eater, but surprisingly i didn't eat anything at all yesterday

since i was sick. so yeah. 

came home and slept after that, woke up and went for dinner and pool with Pink and Song Chee.

the only two klang people i can actually count on. seriously, i think i'm losing all my klang friends.

i've not seen any of them around lately except those who are in my college of course.

but i did have a fun night and i've just thought of starting to practice playing pool. I KNOW I SUCK AT IT OK. but it can always be learnt. :D

thank god, i've been better lately. gotta slow down on smoking. its killing my throat. :/

oh and someone's birthday is today, so..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHIN GUAN :D

have fun (:

TIRED.

PATHETIC. you know i've come to realized that my life is so pathetic and sad. I've no interest or talent in anything. all i do is listen to people going on and on about their lives and how things goes and how everything's so great this way and that way. and then i come home, and i just stare completely blank at the ceiling thinking, what am i good at? what am i actually interested in doing and how pathetic my life is. why do i feel this way ? why ? is it because of all the stress that i have been facing? all the relationship stuffs that has been going thru my head, and no one else knows how i feel, not even my boyfriend. sometimes i think it's all because of the way i was brought up. i wasn't like any other kids who had the best childhood memories. all i remember from my childhood were all negative stuffs, and now being treated unfairly all the time, it sucks. living with overprotective parents, are the worst thing ever. i'm deprived from everything, EVERYTHING that i love to do, everything a young girl would want to do. i'm not blaming them for being overprotective, but seriously, deep down i feel like shit. i feel like i've known nothing about the world but instead i'm protected from the realistic world. it's like there's no freedom at all. and just when the semester break starts, this thoughts in my head, they're so torturing. and knowing that everything is a lie, it's so hard to really trust a person sometimes, but i'm just living with it. sad isn't it ? i know.

p/s : nothing can make me feel better anymore. these tears that can never stop rolling down, i'm done with it.  if only time could turn back to how it was...

 goodbye.

Bits & Pieces.

OKAY, SO HERE'S THE THING. everyone is shocked to find out that I'm smoking. why so? i don't get it either. haha! some of my friends staring at me weirdly, some asking me "sinc when do you smoke", "when you started smoking?" & etc etc. i mean, yeah maybe before this i didn't so yeah i've changed to become more "bad" i can say. but oh well. it's just for sometime after all the stress that has been going on with college and relationships. but it's all good people. yeah i smoke, and drink at times, so what? deal with it. if you wanna judge me then go ahead. i'm fine with it :) i have the right to make my own choices and decisions. anyway, i'm not going to say much about that..

5:30pm - went to watch FAST 5. and hell yeah i can say it was one of the most best and awesomest movie ever. i don't mind paying to watch it again. (Y) the way they robbed and steal those cars and money, pro sial :O and guess what? i actually liked Vin Diesel although i said i dislike muscular guys, but him, OMG HOT AS HELL. loved his body and his character in the movie. yums.

10.00pm - Went to meet song chee and pink at Express. yeah, i've been hanging out with her like almost everyday. what would i do without her. gossiped about some stuffs, did some catching up with song chee as well. puffed and drank a few cups. i can never drink much, my face and eyes gets super red. that's why i hate drinking :S so yeah.

OH OH. and for Mother's day, made a card for mummy and got her a bouquet of flowers :D i know, i know i'm a really good daughter. hehehe :P

   p/s : happy mother's day mummy ♥

                                                                            

Mad.

THANKS. i'm one of the worst people you met, and you're pissed at me? what for? why do i even deserve all this shit from you? Just because you're frustrated , i deserve to get all the screaming and shouting? if you don't know how to change your attitude and be polite, then don't fuckin' talk to me. I've been so patient all these while, but how long can a person take it? i no longer can, and then you blame me for not appreciating you when i cared so much about you, put you first in everything i do. can you even find someone as understanding as me? i know at times i'm a pain in the ass, but not once in my life i screamed at you out of frustration. i have feelings too, i'm not a toy like what i've always said. i have a heart that has been broken into a million pieces thanks to you, but yet i keep forgiving and coming back to you. but you'll never understand right? you'll never feel even a little bit happy and i don't appreciate you right? then don't fucking care about me anymore since i don't deserve to be with someone like you. my heart is really hurting. TOO MUCH. but not once, i teared or complained about it but instead i tried to be patient and stayed strong. but what now?

i just feel like giving up on everything.

i just wanna leave. 

and,