Seventeenth.

i'm happy, i'm grateful for everything that I have.

but sometimes i ask myself? is this the life that I want? is this how things are suppose to be?

it's just another day where my mind starts to wander and ask me questions in my head.

it's like as if i'm missing apart of me no matter how happy I am.

I'm happy to have a family that cares, a boyfriend that loves me for who I am. 

at times i regret always making a big fuss about the things that he always does, 

but what do i get in the end after all those arguments? 

nothing but only a feeling where I feel the closeness is gone. where I feel like things between us are drifting apart.

i admit, i overreacted and i think too much at times. 

i've changed to become a more matured and reasonable person. but yet, why don't i feel the same like how we used to be anymore? i miss you. i miss every little thing we had, i wish we could go back to the start,

where nothing else matters except me and you. why can't it be the same? 

i miss those times where you would show me way too much affection, 

where you would never wanna let my hand go, where you would send me long messages during our anniversary, where you would just be so loving and caring all the time. has it all gone away?

at times i look back and i constantly think about what it would be like if you have left me. that feeling really scares me to death and i'm so grateful that you're still with me, through thick and thin,

through every hardship, every single attitude that I've had and been. 

Don't get me wrong, i really appreciate everything and i know that you love me. 

But now i just need assurance and affection.

That's what i've been longing for all these while. 

and i'm still waiting patiently for that day to come. 

I love you, and i hope you know and appreciate how much I do. 

i just wish i could let you know how i feel, but I just can't open up to you 

and make myself feel like i'm bugging you.

i just wanna hold you close, and never let you go.

Happy17th Anniversary baby. I love you, and it has always been you all these while. Sorry for the times i've hurt you, and thank you for making me feel loved again <3 You're the best thing that has ever happened to me .